Uh... So What's in a "Jaëger Bomb" Exactly?

I am moving to Skaneateles, NY, as soon as humanly possible. I will also be checking into a recovery clinic.

During a glorious upstate Fourth of July weekend, the management's official *bitter defeat* beer count came to 62 over the course of four days. That averages out to 15.5 beers per day, not including bloody marys and assorted shots. Factoring in stuff like sleep (or, more precisely, "unconsciousness") and showers (of which there was only one, as far as I remember), that's slightly less than one beer per hour. Which means that I was theoretically able to operate a motor vehicle at all times without exceeding the NY State blood-alcohol limit. So if you crunch the numbers, I was never actually drunk at all. (Although this all makes Tuesday morning's Level-8 hangover harder to explain... we'll call it an anomaly.) Math doesn't lie. Therefore, I have no reason to be concerned.

Ten fun facts about Skaneateles:

1. Skaneateles (Skan-ee-atlas) is an Iroquois word meaning "long lake," and it's just that: a 16-mile stretch of one of the cleanest lakes in the country. You feel a sense of belonging here - whether it's to raise a family, build a business, escape for a weekend, or stay for the season. (Courtesy Skaneateles Area Chamber of Commerce)
2. The lake contains fish weighing up to 180 lbs.
3. Everyone in town is better-than-average looking. Their hideously ugly people are like everyplace else's sort-of-cute people.
4. Most locals ride unicorns to and from work each day. The unicorns are communally owned, and you just pick one up wherever... like bicycles in Italy.
5. The town crest features a sailboat and a pair of lacrosse sticks.
6. No one under the age of 30 is ever addressed by their given name. City ordinance requires that either a surname or a nickname be used at all times. Parents are exempt from this rule.
7. If you pick a single, recognizable word or phrase and repeat it loudly and frequently, people will think you are hilarious. This is the best way to fit in. Being incredibly good-looking also helps.
8. Drinking from Skaneateles Lake grants you immortality.
9. Labatt's Blue Light is free and abundant. All drinking fountains dispense Labatt's Blue Light, and residents use the beer to cool their homes in the summer.
10. The town doesn't appear on any map, and is invisible to outsiders unaccompanied by a native.

This bear is the mayor of Skaneateles. He was just vacationing in Tahoe.

Anyway, a giant *bitter defeat* thank-you to Kim the Awesome Girlfriend, her friends and her family for one of the best vacations ever. You'll all be hearing from my attorney when I am diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver or if my hand falls off because of those damned zebra mussels.

(Speaking of drinking bears... well that's a really flimsy transition, but here's the newest episode of Drink of the Week. This week's drink: The Tan Sedan.)